How to Deal with an Online Stalker

If someone is continually threatening, harassing, and intimidating you online, you might have a cyberstalker on your hands. Cyberstalkers are people who just won't leave you alone and might even make you fear for your life. Unfortunately, if you have an online stalker, you're not alone. As many as 8% of Americans report being stalked online at some point in their life.^[1] In many cases, it's possible to get rid of the person on your own by locking down your social media and other accounts. But if the problem persists, call the police.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Handling Matters on Your Own

1. End all contact with the person. If you're replying to their messages, you're encouraging them to continue. Although it can be extremely hard to ignore repeated messages, it might provoke the person to leave you alone.^[2]
   
   • Even telling the person to leave you alone can encourage them to continue stalking you. They know that their messages are unwanted — they don't need you to tell them.
   • It's also possible that the messages will increase in frequency and intensity when you ignore them. The person is just trying to crack you so you'll respond. It's your attention that they want. Don't give it to them.^[3]
2. Warn your friends and family about your stalker. Tell everyone you know about your cyberstalker so they won't inadvertently give the person information about you that they could use to harm you. Be specific about what the person is doing and provide as much information about their identity as possible, including screen names or aliases that they use online.^[4]
   
   • It's also a good idea to tell them not to engage the person or try to intervene. If they start defending you and telling the person to stop stalking you, the person might start stalking them as well.
   • If your stalker is threatening your reputation, you might also tell people at your work or school about the stalker and let them know what's going on. It might not completely reverse the damage, but it's good damage control.^[5]
3. Block the person from your email and social media accounts. Go to each social media platform where you have a presence and block your cyberstalker's account. If they have more than one account that they use, block each of them separately.^[6]
   
   • Once you've blocked the person, they'll be unable to see your posts or your account. Usually, they can't even see your comments on other people's posts.
   • It's possible that the person will create other accounts once they figure out that you've blocked them. You might consider suspending your own account until you've taken care of the cyberstalking.^[7]
4. Report defamation or abuse to social media platforms. If the person is violating the platform's terms of service agreement, the platform will remove damaging posts for you. Take screenshots of the offensive posts before you submit your report, so you have a copy for your records.^[8]
   
   • Start a log of the date and time of each report that you make. If you have friends or family submitting reports as well, include that information in your log.
5. Increase the privacy settings on all of your accounts. Review the information on your accounts very carefully and get rid of any personal information that doesn't need to be there, such as your email address or phone number. Lock down all of your information so that only your friends and family members can see it.^[9]
   
   • Become familiar with the privacy settings on all the platforms you use, so you can quickly make changes if necessary.
   • Log out of your accounts, then search them online to see what you can see if you're not connected. Some platforms, such as Facebook, allow you to view your account the way others would see it while you're tweaking your privacy settings.
   • If you have accounts that you don't use anymore, go ahead and close them out. They could provide a way for your stalker to reconnect with you again.
6. Get help from a professional counselor or support group. Cyberstalking can take an immense toll on you and cause a lot of stress. Talking to a professional counselor can help you move on from the experience. Joining a support group with other victims can also help you feel less alone.^[10]
   
   • Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings to recognize when you might need help. If you find yourself obsessing over your stalker or constantly in fear that they'll return to cause you problems, therapy can help you move on.
   • Contact information for many groups and organizations is available at https://victimsofcrime.org/getting-help/.

[Edit]Reporting Criminal Stalking

1. Keep records of all messages or comments. Make screenshots of every message you get from your cyberstalker, as well as all comments, blog posts, or other online content that's related to you. Record the dates and times in your log.^[11]
   
   • If you've blocked the person from your email, any emails they send you will end up in your spam folder. Check that regularly so you can include those emails in your records.
2. Copy information about the person stalking you. Usually, the person cyberstalking you knows you personally in some way — although you might not know who they are at first. Keep records of all the user names or screen names they use so you can quickly identify them.^[12]
   
   • If you're able to get the person's IP address, record it as well. It can provide you valuable information about their location. For example, if you have your own website, you can connect it to a tracking service that logs all the IP addresses that visit your website. Many of these services are free.
3. File a report with your local law enforcement agency. Go to your local police department and tell the officer behind the desk that you want to file a police report. Bring copies of all the emails, messages, comments, and other content from your cyberstalker with you and show them to the officer who takes your report.^[13]
   
   • Answer any questions the officer asks you as completely and honestly as possible. If you're not certain of your cyberstalker's identity, let them know that as well.
   • Before you leave the police department, ask when the written report will be available. You might have to wait a couple of days before you can come to pick it up.
4. Follow up with your report when you have new information. Every time the person messages you or otherwise harasses you online, make a copy. Call the police officer assigned to your case and let them know that the person is harassing you again. If nothing else, this helps create a paper trail.^[14]
   
   • Don't call every day — you don't want to become a stalker yourself! But keep the police aware that the person is continuing to harass you.
   • If you don't hear from the officer assigned to your case, call every couple of weeks to find out the status.
5. Connect with a local victims advocate. When you file your police report, ask the officer about victims' advocates. They'll usually be able to connect you with one. Victims' advocates can tell you what to do to stay safe and help you come up with a game plan to get your cyberstalker to leave you alone.^[15]
   
   • The law varies in different states. Cyberstalking is a crime in some states and not in others. However, the victims' advocate might know of other laws that would apply to your situation.
   • The victims' advocate can also help you gather and organize your evidence for either a criminal or civil trial.
6. Apply for a restraining order against the person. In many states, unfortunately, you can only get a restraining order against someone if you know them personally. But it doesn't hurt to try! It won't cost you anything to apply for a restraining order and, if the judge grants it, the person won't be able to contact you anymore.^[16]
   
   • It is a crime to violate a restraining order, although the specific rules vary from state to state. Typically, the person is arrested immediately for violating the order.^[17]

[Edit]Suing Your Stalker in Court

1. Hire an attorney who has experience handling cyberstalking cases. This sort of lawsuit can be traumatic and emotionally draining. You need a lawyer on your side who understands the court system and all the ins and outs of court procedure. Most attorneys offer a free initial consultation, so you can at least talk to them about your situation and find out what your options are, then go from there.^[18]
   
   • The website of your state or local bar association is a good place to start looking for attorneys. Most bar associations have a free referral service that will give you the names of a few attorneys after you answer some brief questions about your case.
   • Many lawyers will take this sort of case on a contingency fee basis, which means you won't have to pay them any money unless you win your case or your stalker settles with you out of court. So don't worry about how you'll be able to afford attorney's fees!
2. Find out your stalker's identity and location if you don't already know. It's rare for your cyberstalker to be someone you don't know in real life, but it's possible that they're masking their identity online so that you can't tell who they are. Unmasking their true identity, however, is necessary if you're going to sue them in court.^[19]
   
   • Your lawyer will have access to investigative resources they can use to figure out who your cyberstalker is and where they live.
   • You need to know where your cyberstalker lives to make sure you're suing them in the right court and can serve them with your lawsuit. If you can't find out where your cyberstalker lives, that usually means you won't be able to sue them.
3. Go over your petition with your attorney to start your lawsuit. Your attorney will draft a petition to file with the court and start your lawsuit. This document lays out your allegations against your cyberstalker and includes information about the money you're asking the court to award you, in addition to any other requests that you have.^[20]
   
   • For example, it's common for these petitions to include a request for an order from the judge prohibiting the person from contacting you again.
   • Cyberstalking specifically isn't usually what you'd sue them for. Typically, these are lawsuits for "intentional infliction of emotional distress," which simply means that the person was harassing you because they wanted you to become upset, scared, or stressed out.
4. Ask the judge for a preliminary injunction against your cyberstalker. Through the course of filing your lawsuit, it might also be possible to get a temporary order from the judge that puts a halt to the cyberstalking behavior until your case comes to trial. These are called "preliminary injunctions," and basically amount to the judge finding that you have enough evidence to prove that your claims have merit.^[21]
   
   • Preliminary injunctions are similar to restraining orders except that they only last until the conclusion of the case on which they're based.
   • Typically, if your cyberstalker violates the preliminary injunction, they would be arrested and sent to jail — possibly until the trial is over.
5. Organize your evidence of the cyberstalking. To prove your case, you'll need to show all the messages, comments, posts, and other internet content. The frequency and intensity of the content help establish the stalking pattern.^[22]
   
   • Include your logs and any other documents you have that show actions you took against your cyberstalker, such as complaints to social media platforms or police reports.
6. Document all of your costs associated with the cyberstalking. If you win your lawsuit in civil court, you're entitled to monetary damages.^[23] These damages are meant to compensate you for the costs you incurred as a result of the cyberstalking. Generally, you'll need proof of your expenses to have your amount of damages approved by the court.^[24]
   
   • For example, if you started seeing a therapist as a result of the cyberstalking, all of the costs associated with that therapy could be included.
   • In addition to specific costs, you can also get money for "pain and suffering." While this is a subjective amount, it's based in part on how long the cyberstalking has been going on and how badly it has affected you and those around you.
7. Testify against your cyberstalker at trial. Ultimately, if your case goes to trial, you'll be expected to testify. This can be a traumatic experience for anyone, especially since your cyberstalker will likely be in the courtroom. Your attorney will practice with you so you know what to expect when you take the stand.^[25]
   
   • When you're in the courtroom, avoid looking at your cyberstalker at all, or even in their general direction. Face forward and look at the judge. When you're on the stand, look at your attorney.
   • It's usually a good idea to bring along a close friend or family member for moral support, especially on the day you're going to testify.

[Edit]Tips

• If your cyberstalker ever makes you feel that you're in imminent danger, call 911 immediately.^[26]

[Edit]Warnings

• Although many of these things will work no matter where you live, this article primarily focuses on how to deal with an online stalker in the US. In other countries, laws and legal processes might be different.

[Edit]References

1. ↑ https://cyberbullying.org/cyberstalking
2. ↑ https://victimconnect.org/learn/types-of-crime/stalking/
3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wicked-deeds/201712/cyberstalkers-are-difficult-stop
4. ↑ https://victimconnect.org/learn/types-of-crime/stalking/
5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wicked-deeds/201712/cyberstalkers-are-difficult-stop
6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wicked-deeds/201712/cyberstalkers-are-difficult-stop
7. ↑ https://privacyrights.org/consumer-guides/online-harassment-cyberstalking
8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wicked-deeds/201712/cyberstalkers-are-difficult-stop
9. ↑ https://privacyrights.org/consumer-guides/online-harassment-cyberstalking
10. ↑ https://www.fightcyberstalking.org/emotional-support/
11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wicked-deeds/201712/cyberstalkers-are-difficult-stop
12. ↑ https://www.fightcyberstalking.org/report-cyberstalking-case/
13. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wicked-deeds/201712/cyberstalkers-are-difficult-stop
14. ↑ https://www.fightcyberstalking.org/report-cyberstalking-case/
15. ↑ https://www.stalkingawareness.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/Advocate-Guide.pdf
16. ↑ https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/forms-abuse/stalkingcyberstalking
17. ↑ https://www.masslegalhelp.org/domestic-violence/violate-209a
18. ↑ https://www.hg.org/legal-articles/is-there-a-law-against-cyberstalking-or-cyberharassment-31710
19. ↑ https://cyberbullying.org/cyberstalking
20. ↑ https://jolt.richmond.edu/cyberstalking-holding-perpetrators-accountable-and-providing-relief-for-victims/
21. ↑ https://www.superlawyers.com/florida/article/what-do-i-do-if-im-being-cyberstalked/cb331ff1-8c38-438e-953d-817519d9dcd3.html
22. ↑ https://privacyrights.org/consumer-guides/online-harassment-cyberstalking
23. ↑ https://privacyrights.org/consumer-guides/online-harassment-cyberstalking
24. ↑ https://www.stalkingawareness.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/Advocate-Guide.pdf
25. ↑ https://jolt.richmond.edu/cyberstalking-holding-perpetrators-accountable-and-providing-relief-for-victims/
26. ↑ https://cyberbullying.org/cyberstalking