How to Rules to Live by

Bring more satisfaction, structure, & spirit to your life

We all want to enjoy a fulfilling, meaningful life. And with all of the great people who've lived before us—geniuses, philosophers, you name it—you'd think that humankind would've collected some powerful words of wisdom. That's exactly what you'll find below! These "life rules" can help you get in touch with things that really matter to you as a person, all while cutting things that can't truly satisfy you deep down. Below, you'll find 10 truths to guide you toward a satisfying, sweet life. Let's dive in.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]10 Life Rules to Live By

1. Nurture your internal world. Jobs change, people drift, and your external world will continue to shift. But there’s one constant—you. All the feelings you relish and suffer through are happening within you, and you have more power over them than you think. When bad things happen to you, remind yourself that you’re your own powerful ally in your life’s fight. When good things happen, linger on your feelings for longer.^[1]
   
   • Focus on making your mind a warm, comfortable place for you to live your life. You may not be able to control the world around you, but you can control the world inside of you.
   • Though, the goal isn’t to be totally impenetrable (at the end of the day, even our negative emotions give life color and meaning!). But in time, you can learn to avoid the bulk of life’s needless stress and overall, become a more resilient person.
   • Remind yourself that you control your inner life. Use breathing exercises to calm yourself. Speak to a therapist. Try to actually picture a cozy terrarium in your mind—a healthy, limited space, that you can tend to and make safe.
2. Love yourself, accept yourself—and be curious about yourself. You hear it everywhere—love yourself! Though it can sound easier than it is in practice, loving yourself is still worth the effort. You’re going to spend your whole life in this body, this heart, and this mind. No one will ever understand your struggle quite like you will. In a way, your relationship with yourself might be the most important one you have in your life, and so if that connection is toxic, the burden of that can be heavy.^[2]
   
   • Embrace what makes you unique. You can spend your whole life hating your crooked nose or forgetfulness—or you can accept it’s part of what makes you, you!
   • Quit comparisons. Think about yourself as a kid—wouldn’t you hate to feel that that person wasn’t giving themselves enough credit, and instead, was focusing on how they didn’t feel good enough (when they were)? In ten years, you might feel the same way about you, now.
   • Forgive yourself. The truth is, everyone makes mistakes. No amount of shame or guilt can undo the past, and that’s okay. Now, focus on accepting yourself and being better in the future. You deserve it.
3. Cut dependency from your life. It’s a tough pill to swallow—but the people you love aren’t perfect. There’s no single person, job, city, or passion that can make or break your happiness. The more you rely on external things to give your life meaning and to keep you satisfied, the more flimsy your foundation becomes. You are the only person you can truly rely on—but that’s okay, because you’re a great person to have on your side.^[3]
   
   • Even your closest friends and family will slip up sometimes. They might not treat you exactly in the way that you deserve, and that’s okay. Focus on forgiving, accepting, and loving them anyway, instead of expecting others to be perfect.
   • Though we can’t rely completely on external sources of love, we can always control how much love we give to others.
   • If you find yourself in a position where you feel you’ve lost a bedrock in your life—a spouse, a job, a family member—let yourself feel that loss. And when you’re ready, begin searching for new meaning in your life (trust us, it’s there).
4. Don’t try to change people around you; love them as they are. Again, it all comes back to that idea: you can’t control other people. They’re their own person—and the more that you try to change them, the more you might find that they pull away from you. It’s not about who’s right or wrong, but rather, the fact that we’re all on our own journeys. You can’t make someone more organized, more attentive, or more open without their active participation.^[4]
   
   • But here’s a secret tip: you can love them anyway. If you know you have someone in your life who’s amazing (and who you want to keep around), focus on giving them warmth and kindness—rather than seeing their life as your personal project.
   • Sometimes, people will ask for your help when they want to change, especially partners. If you wait until they ask you, that means you’re allowing them to grow on their own terms, which is what we all deserve to do.
   • This idea, though, is separate from abuse and harassment. If you’re being abused, not only can you not change them, but you shouldn’t wait around or try to love them through it. Speak to someone close to you and focus on getting safe.
5. Never stop learning. The more that you understand and the more that you’re exposed to, the more full your life will feel. Knowledge is more than just facts and skill sets—it’s the confidence you carry into every interaction, and it can bring peace in stressful moments. Look for ways to keep expanding your horizons, and don’t limit yourself to formal academics. There are so many ways to learn!^[5]
   
   • When someone has a unique opinion, listen. Every unconventional POV is another chance for you to better understand the world. For best effects, focus on listening without judgment.
   • Don’t be afraid to change your mind. Life is long, so if your mindset changes throughout it, that makes total sense. You don’t have to have the same set of opinions from start to finish, and in fact, that might be a sign that you’re not open-minded enough.
   • Read as much as you can. Challenge yourself if that’s what motivates you (why not make it your goal to learn the world capitals by the month’s end?). Expose yourself to ideas that you disagree with.
6. Follow your fire. Life is about living. If something excites you, it’s a gift. It’s a superpower. Whether it be your work, art, or people, make sure you follow through on things that leave you feeling empowered, inspired, and alive. So many people define their life by results and titles, but it might actually make more sense to chase experiences. If general, if you follow your passions in life, you’ll be rewarded.^[6]
   
   • Make art (and don’t worry about the final product). Express yourself, have fun, and get creative. Choose a medium that feels right to you, and don’t feel like you have to stress over your skill level.
   • Challenge yourself, just for fun. On the other hand—you can also use your "fire" to your advantage. Goals can make life even more exciting! Enter a poetry contest, run a 5k, or a take a rigorous class in something you’re passionate about. Push yourself, just for the heck of it!
   • Use passion as a superpower in your career. If you want a rich working life, use your inner fire to push you. Nothing external will motivate you as much as true passion and curiosity, so find a role that uses yours (or, try to find tasks within your job title that do!).
7. Savor the moment you have now. The past is the past and the future isn’t here just yet—your life is happening now. Future planning can be super helpful and past reflections can be a great teacher. But to spend your whole life missing what’s right in front of you? What a waste! Take a deep breath and really look around you now. Ground yourself in the company you keep. Smell the smells. Feel that breeze. This is it!^[7]
   
   • Some people find it difficult to be in the moment, potentially as an emotional defense. If you were unhappy as a child, you might’ve had to learn to distance yourself from pain (and as a result, the present moment). So if you struggle, that’s okay. You can improve!
   • Work on mindfulness to improve your ability. Little activities like meditation can go a long way!
   • Ask yourself questions about what you’re experiencing as practice. How do I feel? How’s the temperature? What am I experiencing right this second?
8. Play the long game, and invest in healthy habits. Being in the moment, though, doesn’t mean that every second of your day needs to be glorious and grand. Everyday, mundane habits can reap massive health benefits over time, and that can improve your overall quality of life. Being too obsessed with results and rigid routines can subtract from your life’s enjoyment, but on the other hand: some goals are worth reaching, and daily habits can get you there.^[8]
   
   • Make a list of 3 big goals to reach. Reflect deeply to be sure that they’re things you truly want—not things that other people want for you, or things you like the idea of.
     • You might say: I want to be physically healthy, I want to get my degree, and I want to be a great spouse
   • Now, set up happy, daily routines that support those goals. You might cut your glass of wine with dinner, set a timeline for your grad school apps, and aim to have one date night a week. Little building blocks can be the foundation for amazing, worthwhile experiences!
9. Shake up your life, early and often. You know that feeling you get when you visit a new place for the first time? Or when you learned something that had never occurred to you before? There’s magic in newness. By experiencing something unconventional or unique, you can subconsciously remind yourself of all of life’s possibilities—and that can be a great way to combat listlessness, boredom, and low energy. So get out there!^[9]
   
   • Try big things every few months: take a weekend trip away, start a zany course (like ax-throwing), or meet up with someone from your past.
   • Incorporate little, refreshing changes every day. Put on a fun pair of socks, try a new restaurant for lunch, or give your sister a random call during the day.
   • Sometimes, people get to a point in life where everything just feels wrong: remember, there a million different lives out there to live. When you feel you're losing hope in your life, don't be afraid to start fresh in a new place or with new people.
10. Surround yourself with things that make you feel great. It’s really that simple! Toxic friends, unfulfilling jobs, unappreciative partners…is that really what your life should be about? We don’t think so! When someone walks into your life and makes you feel amazing, work hard to keep them around. Spend more time doing things you love—less time doing things that feel like work.^[10]
    
    • Keep a journal to help you get an idea. When you finish a class, a coffee date, or a day at work, record how it left you feeling. Refreshed and excited? Or worn and empty?
      • You can even go one step further: use a gratitude journal to make note of people who make you feel great, and to remember how thankful you are for it.
    • Though, there’s a big difference between a rough patch and a toxic connection. In order to make a long-lasting friendship, relationship, or career work, it won’t always be a walk in the park. Walk away from things that aren’t worth it, but work through things that are!

[Edit]Creating Your Own Life Rules

1. We all live life a little differently—so why not make your own rules, too? We all have values, beliefs, and mottos that guide us in our life, whether we're consciously aware of them or not. Sometimes, laying out those rules in ink can be a super useful way to get back in touch with ourselves, and to be sure that we're honoring the things we truly believe in. Below, we've pulled together a list of areas where you might decide to come up with your own mantra, including examples:
   
   • Love:
     • Communication is key
     • Never go to bed angry
     • If you know you love someone, you better show it
   • Family:
     • Family always comes first
     • You should never give up on family
     • Family might be defined by genes, but it's maintained through love
   • Work:
     • Work now, enjoy the rewards later
     • Love what you do, so you never work a day in your life
     • You can't spend your whole life working hard; you have to find balance
   • Health:
     • My body is a garden and my willpower is the gardener
     • A healthy outside starts from the inside
     • I keep my body healthy as a way to say "Thank you" to myself
   • Growth:
     • What I think is what I become; so I think positive thoughts
     • I haven't scratched the surface of my capabilities, so I never limit myself
     • Growth can be a little painful, but the end result is worth it
   • Self-acceptance:
     • This is the only self I'll ever have, so I plan to love her
     • My own opinion is the only one that truly matters
     • I'm always grateful for my mistakes, because that means I'm not playing it safe
   • You can find fulfillment by learning to connect with people and be authentically yourself.^[11]
   • You should know your values and then act upon that basis.^[12]
   • For example, if your number one value is to have a connection, you need to make one phone call a day to someone you love. If creativity is one of your values, you should spend two or three days a week writing, acting, singing, or painting.^[13]

[Edit]Expert Interview

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[Edit]References

1. ↑ https://warwick.ac.uk/services/wss/topics/emotional_resilience/
2. ↑ https://warwick.ac.uk/services/wss/topics/emotional_resilience/
3. ↑ https://warwick.ac.uk/services/wss/topics/emotional_resilience/
4. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2018/04/stop-trying-to-change-people-who-dont-want-to-change
5. ↑ https://academic.oup.com/oep/article-abstract/70/2/538/4917356?redirectedFrom=fulltext
6. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8305859/
7. ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/live-in-the-moment-but-also-plan-for-future-stress
8. ↑ https://learningcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/changing-habits/
9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201702/how-do-neuroplasticity-and-neurogenesis-rewire-your-brain
10. ↑ https://www.unh.edu/healthyunh/blog/2012/10/surround-yourself-happy-people-be-happy
11. ↑ [v162123_b01]. 27 April 2022.
12. ↑ [v162123_b01]. 27 April 2022.
13. ↑ [v162123_b01]. 27 April 2022.