How to Spot a Fake Person

Plus, how to deal with or distance yourself from fake people

There’s no getting around it—we all have days where we say something we regret. But what about the people who are constantly negative and self-centered? Also known as “fake people,” these individuals can be a constant drain on your emotional and mental well-being. We’ve talked to psychologists and therapists and put together a list of tips and tricks to help you pinpoint all the fake people in your life. We’ll also explain the common reasons why some people act fake, and talk about the best ways to deal with them.

Signs of a Fake Personality

1. They judge, manipulate, or belittle others.
2. They make rude or harsh comments without a second thought.
3. They don’t pay attention to what you have to say.
4. They’re desperate to be liked and noticed by others.
5. They’ll hang you out to dry when you’re going through a rough patch.
6. They get easily offended by constructive criticism.

Steps

Signs of a Fake Person

1. They won't hesitate to pass judgment and rarely give compliments. Fake people tend to manipulate and claw their way to the top by putting others down. Belittling the people around them bolsters their own sense of self and helps them feel less threatened by others.^[1]
   
   • For example, a fake person might give a co-worker a back-handed compliment instead of saying something genuinely nice.
   • They might make passive-aggressive comments about a colleague’s work performance, or make a judgmental remark about a friend’s outfit.
2. Fake people make hurtful comments without a second thought. Friends may poke fun at each other once in a while, but their playful barbs will always be just that: playful. Check-in with yourself after spending some time with this individual—do they make you feel supported and uplifted, or treat you like you’re worthless? If you always feel negative around this person, there’s a good chance they’re fake.
   
   • A fake friend might say something like, “You aren’t good enough to make the soccer team” or “You shouldn’t bother applying to that school.” A lot of times, these hurtful remarks stem from jealousy.
   • A fake person won’t give out compliments. Instead, they’ll look for ways to bring everyone else down.
3. Fake people never really listen to you. If someone’s really busy, they might not be able to give you their full attention. That’s okay—what isn’t okay is when a person never invests in or pays attention to what you have to say. If your friend, co-worker, or acquaintance is just going through the motions of a conversation, they’re probably a fake person.^[2]
   
   • For instance, a fake person might seem bored or zoned out when you talk about your plans for the night.
   • If you tell a fake person that you’re going to a wedding over the weekend, they won’t bother asking you how it went.
4. Fake people are desperate to be liked and noticed by others. Because of this, fake individuals will do everything under the sun to get a thumbs up or nod of approval from the people around them.^[3] In everyday conversations, fake people might adjust their opinions and statements instead of sticking to their beliefs.^[4]
   
   • When talking about politics with a group of people, a fake person might change their opinion to match the majority.
   • They also might care a lot about keeping up a picture-perfect image image of themselves and their life on social media.
5. They’re always surrounded by a clique. While part of a “clique,” fake individuals may spark outrage among their peers in order to boost their own social status. As the so-called leader of the group, fake people pressure others to support their opinions instead of offering feedback.^[5]
   
   • For instance, a fake person will always try to be the center of attention during a conversation.
6. Fake people spread rumors or gossip. Pay attention to what this person does in their day-to-day life. Are they supportive and uplifting, or do they spend their time gossiping about other people? If they have nothing better to do than spread false rumors, they’re probably a fake person.^[6]
   
   • A fake person might gossip about the least popular person in school, or spread false rumors to manipulate their friends.
7. As friends, they don’t stick around through thick and thin. When you’re going through a rough patch, these individuals will hang you out to dry instead of being a kind, unconditional friend. Real friends will stay by your side through good and bad times, and won’t stick around only when it’s convenient for them.^[7]
   
   • For example, if you get into a fight with your partner, a fake person won’t stick around to offer advice.
   • A fake friend might be nice to your face, but then talk badly about you behind your back.
8. Inauthentic people find it difficult to be consistent. Instead of being devoted to a single project, fake individuals will jump from idea to idea without putting much effort in. As they spread their schedule thinner and thinner, they tend to miss important commitments. When called out on these inconsistencies, they’ll come up with excuses or pass the buck to the next person.^[8]
   
   • A fake person might join a lot of clubs and extra-curricular activities but not put effort into any of them.
   • They might also commit to too many projects at work, and miss lots of deadlines in the process.
   • A fake friend might agree to hang out with you, and then cancel plans last minute.
9. A fake person won’t give a real apology. A fake person might try to minimize their actions or pass the blame instead of taking responsibility themselves. They might even imply that they’ve already apologized, or look for ways to skirt around the consequences of their actions.^[9]
   
   • For instance, they could say “I was just trying to help” or “I’m sorry, but I think you’re overreacting.”
   • They might say something sarcastic or cynical instead of offering a real apology.
10. Fake people tend to get offended by constructive feedback. Think about times when a friend, co-worker, or acquaintance was given feedback. Did they take the comments in stride, or did they make a big fuss? In many cases, fake people can’t handle being told that they did something wrong.^[10]
    
    • For example, if a co-worker makes a mistake in their project, they might deny doing anything wrong.
    • If you critique a friend’s artwork, they might say something like “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
11. They’re petrified by failure. Most individuals use their failures as a springboard for future improvement; a fake person usually gives up once something goes wrong. Unfortunately, fake people aren’t so accepting of their faults, and feel so nervous about the possibility of failure that they never try anything new.^[11]
    
    • A fake person might sign up for low-level classes instead of taking more challenging courses.
    • A genuine person will look for opportunities to advance their career, while a fake person might be content staying where they are.
12. Fake people only hit you up or ask to hang out if it benefits them. While a genuine friend might send you a meme they think you’d like or set up a movie night once a month, a fake person might only ask how you are if there are strings attached. Maybe they want you to put in a good word for them with another employer, or they want you to talk them up to your hot friend.
    
    • Whether it’s taking something off your to-do list or getting you a cup of coffee, fake people also tend to avoid doing anything for you unless they think you can do something for them.
13. They make you feel emotionally drained after hanging out. Fake people tend to make everything about them and always seem to have some drama going on in their lives. They can also be overly pessimistic and jealous, expecting you always to be available. If you aren’t, they might guilt you into spending time with them or doing whatever they want you to do.^[12]
    
    • For example, a toxic friend might constantly complain to you about their family. If they see you talking with another friend, they might join the conversation and talk about their family again.
    • A genuine person, however, will ping-pong the conversation back and forth so that the two of you have equal space to talk about both the positive and the negative aspects of your lives.
14. Inauthentic people steal good opportunities from under you. Fake people are super competitive and fight tooth and nail to get what they want—even if it means taking it from you.nThey’re often willing to sabotage you, embarrass you, tear down your reputation, or exclude you to gain attention, social acceptance, or success.^[13]
    
    • You might be just about to apply for a higher position at your company when you overhear them talking negatively about you to your boss.
    • Or, you’re at a bar talking about asking a hot person for their phone number when your “friend” decides to go up to them instead.

Why do some people act fake?

1. They’re insecure or have low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem tend to think that others are better than them and are overly critical of themselves.^[14] Fake people might try to please others or put people down because they’re scared of being rejected and want to feel accepted and liked.^[15]
   
2. They want to gain social status or advance their career. People who steal success, put down others, or manipulate and exploit the people around them might act fake in order to climb a social or professional ladder.^[16] They say what everyone wants to hear, stopping at nothing to fulfill their goals and dreams.
   
   • In some cases, these tactics work—one study found that employees with toxic traits were more likely to be given higher salaries and promotions into leadership positions.^[17]
3. They’ve been influenced by social media to seek validation. Although many people use social media as a way to validate their emotions and enjoy praise from others, fake people take this to the next level.^[18] They might constantly seek reassurance from their peers and present themselves as perfect all the time—both online and in-person.
   
4. They desire complete control over others or their situation. Fake people often try to exert control over others by criticizing their behavior or appearance, dominating conversations, and manipulating others. They also tend to resist adapting to new situations because they want every circumstance to go exactly the way they want it to.^[19]
   
   • Usually, people who try to control everything all the time are also trying to attain a certain goal or promote their own standards and expectations.^[20]
5. They lack emotional awareness. Fake people might find it difficult to listen to others’ experiences and tend to judge other people without knowing the facts—surprisingly, these are also signs that they lack self-awareness. They act this way because they don’t know who they are and have a hard time understanding how their behavior affects others.^[21]
   
   • Some inauthentic people might not even understand their own motivations.^[22]
   • Self-awareness also implies a level of self-acceptance, which might tie into a fake person’s low self-esteem.^[23]
6. They feel pressured to act fake by their peers. The pressure to conform to do what other people are doing can be hard for anyone to resist. Fake people might act the way they do because their acquaintances, family, or the people in their friend group send subtle signals that they have to dress, talk, or think that way to win acceptance and approval.^[24]
   
7. They’re narcissistic or overly motivated by the praise of others. Clinical psychologist Dr. Asa Don Brown says “People who are “fake” are often driven by the ego. They may be narcissistic, self-indulged, or driven by accolades of others.”^[25] Fake people tend to feed off of the acceptance of others, which motivates them to act a certain way to gain it.
   
   • Not all people described as “fake” are narcissists, but some people with narcissism might have a sense of self-importance and a need for admiration that seems fake.^[26]
8. They have past trauma or a dysfunctional home life. Although it’s not an excuse to do so, toxic people who act fake may act cruel to you or others because that’s how they’ve been treated. They also might be dealing with issues that bring them regular stress or grief, which they don’t express in a healthy way and instead use it against others.^[27]
   
   • These toxic traits might also be passed down genetically from their parents.

Dealing with Fake People

1. Establish very clear personal boundaries. According to Therapist Julia Lyubchenko, one of the best ways to deal with toxic or fake family members or coworkers is to “have very clear communication with these people about your rules and your boundaries and the behaviors which are okay and which are not okay.”^[28]
   
   • “There's no need to be aggressive or impolite about it,” Lyubchenco says, “but it's more about explaining it in a nice, clear, and firm way and make sure that you can keep these boundaries.”^[29]
   • For example, if the person cuts you off in conversation, you might say “Let me quickly finish up my point so you can understand me clearly.”^[30]
   • Use “I” language to express your feelings in a non-aggressive way. If they say something mean about you, say something like “I felt hurt by that comment, please don’t talk to me that way again.”^[31]
2. Try to avoid getting involved in their drama. Fake people “are commonly extremely toxic individuals and are willing to do anything to have the centerstage,” Dr. Brown says. “Above all, avoid playing their mind games and do whatever is necessary to be safe.” Invest your time in people who are easy to be around and distance yourself from overly dramatic individuals.^[32]
   
   • Try not to offer advice or solutions to fake people and instead try to switch the conversation to something milder.
   • For example, if a coworker starts gossiping, say something like, “Let’s talk about something else besides work! Where are you planning to go over the holidays?”
   • If they get annoyed that you won’t engage with them, be upfront and honest about your boundaries. Say something like, “I don’t like to talk about people behind their back.”
3. Consider cutting them out of your life if possible. “Honestly, I would recommend if you have toxic people in your life, maybe it's better to get away from them,” Lyubchenco says.^[33] If this person doesn’t add anything positive to your life and they’re not someone you have to deal with on a daily basis, it might be better to end the relationship entirely.^[34]
   
   • If they’re a friend or someone close to you, licensed marriage and family therapist Jin S. Kim says to “have a closure discussion with the toxic friend, or express how [you] feel about the friendship.”^[35]
   • Kim says that way, it “reinforces healthy communication and could potentially minimize any residual animosities between both people.”^[36]
   • If you can’t detach yourself from them completely, try to limit the time you spend with them.
   • If they tend to talk to you for a long time, you might say, “I only have 30 minutes before I have to go pick up my groceries.” When that time is up, politely leave the situation.

Video

Tips

• If someone regularly gossips about other people with you, they might be gossiping about you to other people.
• While dealing with a fake person, seek out friends and family members who you know will love and support you no matter what.
• If someone lets you down or insults you, they probably aren’t a genuine friend.^[37]

References

1. ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/what-makes-a-good-friend
2. ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/what-makes-a-good-friend
3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-doesnt-kill-us/201608/7-qualities-of-truly-authentic-people
4. ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/313268
5. ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/313268
6. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/
7. ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/what-makes-a-good-friend
8. ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/313268
9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/narcissism-demystified/202009/13-fake-apologies-used-narcissists
10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201503/the-7-habits-truly-genuine-people
11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201503/the-7-habits-truly-genuine-people
12. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-avoid-being-drained-by-energy-vampires
13. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-deal-with-manipulative-friends-social-sabotage
14. ↑ https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/self-esteem
15. ↑ https://ideapod.com/why-are-people-so-fake-the-top-reasons/
16. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/things-you-absolutely-must-know-about-toxic-people
17. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886917306876
18. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/liberate-yourself/202111/using-social-media-reassurance-and-validation
19. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-anyone-would-want-to-control-you
20. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-control/201603/inside-the-minds-of-controlling-people
21. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-be-more-self-aware-and-why-its-important
22. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-doesnt-kill-us/201608/7-qualities-of-truly-authentic-people
23. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ambigamy/202303/demystifying-self-awareness-introspection-and-narcissism
24. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/peer-pressure.html
25. ↑ [v162069_b01]. 4 June 2023.
26. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/narcissism
27. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/things-you-absolutely-must-know-about-toxic-people
28. ↑ [v161394_b01]. 29 April 2020.
29. ↑ [v161394_b01]. 29 April 2020.
30. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries
31. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries
32. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/202108/5-ways-avoid-drama
33. ↑ [v161394_b01]. 29 April 2020.
34. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/high-octane-women/201203/how-to-deal-with-people-who-drain-you
35. ↑ [v161141_b01]. 14 May 2019.
36. ↑ [v161141_b01]. 14 May 2019.
37. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-pragmatic-aspie/201109/fake-friend-real-friend