How to Let Someone Down Easy After a Few Dates

We've all been there—you go on a few dates hoping to connect with someone, only to realize that it's not going to work out. Instead of wasting your time and theirs, it's best to end things when you realize this. Fortunately, since you've only been out with them a few times, you can let them down without really hurting their feelings. Check out our suggestions for kindly ending a short relationship.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Act on your feelings as soon as possible.

1. Don't wait or keep going on dates if you know it's not working out. The longer you wait to talk with the person, the harder it will be to break things off. You never know—the other person might feel the same way too! Sure, it can be awkward to have the break up conversation after only a few dates, but you'll be less emotionally invested.
   
   • You might know after just 1 or 2 dates that the relationship isn't going to work out. For others, it might take 3 or 4 dates to decide. Either way, talk with the other person as soon as you realize you don't want to date them.

[Edit]Tell them that you want to end the relationship.

1. Meet in person or call them on the phone to break the news. There's no need to make small talk or drag out the conversation. Just let them know that you're not interested in going on more dates. You don't need to go deep into how you feel or apologize—after all, you only went on a few dates.^[1][2]
   
   • For example, call them and say, "Hi, so this is awkward for me, but I don't think I want to go out with you anymore. I just wanted to be honest with you and not lead you on."
   • You could say, "I wanted to tell you that I enjoyed getting to know you a little, but I'm just not feeling a spark. I hope you find someone great to spend time with!"^[3]
   • Don't feel like you have to break up in person. It's one thing to end a long-term relationship on the phone, but you're probably not emotionally invested in each other after just a few dates, so a phone call is totally fine.

[Edit]Break up by text if you don't want to call.

1. Clearly tell them that you don't want to date again. Be honest and just let them know that it's not going to work out. Here are a few great ways to get your point across:^[4]
   
   • Tbh it's been fun hanging out but I don't think we're meant to be a couple.
   • Hi! I really liked getting to know you, but I'm not feeling a connection. It was great to meet you though.
   • Hey, thanks for meeting me yesterday. I'm pretty sure you feel the same, but I didn't feel a romantic connection.

[Edit]Be honest with them.

1. You might feel bad so you start giving excuses, but don't! There's no need to apologize or tell them that you're not ready for a relationship. In fact, if you give vague reassurances, the person might think they have a chance for a relationship with you later on. It's better to be completely honest if you don't think there's a connection.^[5]
   
   • For example, instead of saying, "I'm so sorry this isn't working out right now. I just came out of a serious relationship and I'm not ready for dating," say, "Thanks for meeting up with me the last few days, but this relationship doesn't feel like a good fit. I just wanted to be honest with you."

[Edit]Avoid apologizing.

1. You haven't done anything wrong, so you don't need to say sorry. Some people might even misinterpret an apology—they may think that you still care for them. Remind yourself that you're being honest with yourself and them so there's no need to apologize.^[6]
   
   • Instead of saying, "I'm so sorry, but this isn't working out," say, "I don't feel like this is working out. I wish you the best of luck in your next relationship."

[Edit]Listen if they have something to say.

1. Give them a chance to respond so they feel respected. They may tell you they're surprised or they're disappointed, but don't feel like you have to defend yourself or your decision. Just let them respond to your decision.^[7]
   
   • You might be surprised—maybe they'll say they were feeling the same way about the relationship.

[Edit]Be clear about future interactions.

1. Tell them if you want to be friends or if you're totally moving on. Once you say the relationship is over, give them an idea of your feelings. You might say that you'd like to be friends, especially if you have friends in common who you can hang out with, or you might say that you don't want to date or meet up with them again.^[8]
   
   • To completely end things, you might say, "It doesn't feel like we're compatible and I don't think this relationship will work out. I'd like to end things, but I wish you all the best in the future."

[Edit]Don't ghost the person.

1. Ignoring them can actually hurt them more than ending it. You might think that if you just ignore their calls or texts, they'll get the idea that you're not interested and they'll move on. Unfortunately, they may genuinely be hurt or confused by your lack of a response. They might even try harder to reach you, so it's best to be direct with them.^[9]
   
   • Ending the relationship is the best way to show the person that you respect them and their feelings. It also gives the other person some closure.^[10]

[Edit]Relax and realize this is part of dating.

1. Not every relationship will be a long-term one and that's expected. Although breaking up with someone, even if it was just after a few dates, isn't fun, it's part of dating. Remind yourself this if you're feeling bad or guilty. Then, give yourself permission to move on.^[11]
   

[Edit]References

1. ↑ [v161213_b01]. 20 December 2019.
2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/202012/5-ways-let-someone-down-easy
3. ↑ [v161213_b01]. 20 December 2019.
4. ↑ https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/8005c989-3226-435b-b87c-da5ece40fad3
5. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/break-up.html
6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/202012/5-ways-let-someone-down-easy
7. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/break-up.html
8. ↑ https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/8005c989-3226-435b-b87c-da5ece40fad3
9. ↑ https://www.slice.ca/here-is-how-not-to-ghost-someone/
10. ↑ [v161213_b01]. 20 December 2019.
11. ↑ https://youtu.be/Yfhgv-lmgmY?t=562