How to Approach a Girl in a Group at a Bar

Approaching a girl who catches your eye at a bar can be intimidating, especially if she looks busy having a great night with a bunch of friends. Of course, you don’t want to let that make you miss an opportunity to meet someone who might end up becoming someone special in your life. Anytime you approach a woman, be polite and respectful if she doesn’t seem interested in talking to you. More importantly, don’t listen to any of the “pickup” advice online—it can steer you in the wrong direction. This list will give you some ideas for how to approach a girl in a group in a healthy, respectful way.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Make eye contact with her.

1. This lets her know you might be interested in talking to her. Glance over at the girl and try to make eye contact before you approach her.^[1] Don’t stare or hold eye contact for too long or it can come across as creepy. Just glance over, make eye contact, maybe flash a little smile, and go back to talking to your friends.^[2]
   
   • If you make eye contact and the girl looks uncomfortable or turns her back to you, those are probably signs that she’s not interested in talking to you.

[Edit]Walk over and say hi to everyone.

1. A simple hello is much better than cheesy lines or superficial compliments. Walk up to the group, say “hi,” and introduce yourself. Make sure you’re saying hello to the whole group and not just zeroing in on the girl you’re interested in. Saying hi to everyone may help you make a good impression.^[3]
   
   • For example, say something like “Hi ladies, my name is Josh, how’s your night going?”
   • Always approach a girl from the front so she can see you coming. Coming up from behind is creepy and threatening.

[Edit]Engage everyone in conversation.

1. You want to win the favor of the whole group, not just the girl you’re into. Make sure to keep talking to different people in the group or the group as a whole. If you hyper-focus on just the one girl, her friends might not approve and won’t accept you into the group.^[4]
   
   • For instance, you could ask everyone to introduce themselves instead of focusing on 1 person.

[Edit]Practice respectful body language.

1. Show that you’re interested without being aggressive. Stand close enough to the group so you look interested and open to a conversation, but not so close that you’re violating their personal space. Keep your palms open and your head raised so you look relaxed and approachable, too.^[5]
   
   • Try not to cross your arms when you approach—this can make you look closed off.

[Edit]Be confident, not cocky.

1. There’s a fine line between being confident and coming across as a you-know-what. If you’re feeling it, you can work an appropriate joke or a nice, non-superficial compliment into the conversation.^[6] Just be you and try your best to let your normal personality shine without trying too hard to impress the girl.^[7]
   
   • There’s no “rule” for how to show confidence. If you’re normally a pretty funny person, you might try to make the girl and her friends laugh. Just stay away from topics like politics, religion, etc.
   • If you’re a naturally more reserved person, you can show confidence simply by carrying on a conversation with the girl.^[8]

[Edit]Invite a friend over to the group.

1. Having a friend there can take some of the pressure off you. They can talk with the girl’s friends while you focus on having a conversation with the girl who caught your eye. If your approach seems to be going well, as in the girls aren’t ignoring you and seem interested in talking, wave at one of your friends and motion them over to join you and the gang.^[9]
   
   • Say something to the group when you do this, like: “Hey you guys should really meet my friend Ben, he’s right over there.” Then give Ben the signal to come on over!

[Edit]Direct your attention to the girl.

1. Try to flirt with her in subtle, charming ways. Flash her a smile and continue maintaining eye contact as you talk. Also, try taking up a little more space throughout the conversation—according to some researchers, this is an effective, nonverbal way to flirt.^[10] Offering a compliment is another classic option you can try.^[11]
   
   • You might say, “You look absolutely stunning tonight” or “I feel so lucky that I was able to bump into you tonight.”

[Edit]Ask if you can buy her a drink.

1. That way, it’s clear which girl you’re interested in. Politely ask if you can buy her next drink. If she says no, leave it at that and don’t push the matter. It’s normal for girls to be apprehensive of receiving drinks from strangers because, unfortunately, there are a lot of dirtbags out there who might slip something in their drinks at a bar.^[12]
   
   • Try saying something like: “Hey, what are you drinking, a margarita? Can I buy your next round?”
   • You can also offer to buy her friends some drinks, too. If they say yes, ask what they want to drink. If they say no, well, you saved some money!^[13]

[Edit]Try to break away from the group.

1. If the conversation is going well, break away with the girl to talk 1-on-1. If the bar has activities, like a pool table, darts, or another bar game, ask her if she wants to play with you. Or, if the bar is too loud and you’re having a hard time hearing each other, ask if she wants to go to a quieter part of the bar with you and talk.^[14]
   
   • For example, you might say something like: “Hey, do you like pool? I just noticed there’s a table over there, want to play a match with me?”
   • Or, you could say something like: “Hey I really want to keep talking to you but it’s hard to hear you right here by the bar, want to go sit at that table over there with me for a bit?”

[Edit]Leave if the interaction feels forced.

1. It’s hard interacting with a group of girls, and sometimes an exit is the best option. If the conversation turns awkward or, even worse, there’s just awkward silence, wish the group of girls a good night and leave. If the girl is interested in you, she’ll probably look for a way to come talk to you later.^[15]
   
   • Remember that not everyone goes out to a bar to meet potential love interests. They might be having a reunion between close friends, celebrating something special, or consoling a friend over a breakup, for example.
   • If at any point during the interaction the girl says “no” to something, respect that. If someone says “no,” it means “no,” plain and simple.

[Edit]References

1. ↑ [v160969_b01]. 10 February 2021.
2. ↑ https://www.thrillist.com/drink/nation/how-to-flirt-with-women-dating-tips
3. ↑ https://www.foodrepublic.com/2012/08/16/the-heart-attack-guide-to-talking-to-women-in-bars/
4. ↑ https://www.dmarge.com/2018/07/approach-women-groups.html
5. ↑ http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/trustworthy_body_language.htm
6. ↑ [v160969_b01]. 10 February 2021.
7. ↑ https://www.foodrepublic.com/2012/08/16/the-heart-attack-guide-to-talking-to-women-in-bars/
8. ↑ [v160969_b01]. 10 February 2021.
9. ↑ https://www.dmarge.com/2018/07/approach-women-groups.html
10. ↑ https://time.com/59786/how-to-flirt-backed-by-scientific-research/
11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/flirting
12. ↑ https://www.foodrepublic.com/2012/08/16/the-heart-attack-guide-to-talking-to-women-in-bars/
13. ↑ https://www.thrillist.com/drink/nation/how-to-flirt-with-women-dating-tips
14. ↑ https://www.dmarge.com/2018/07/approach-women-groups.html
15. ↑ https://www.thrillist.com/drink/nation/how-to-flirt-with-women-dating-tips