How to Bring Back Love in a Long Distance Relationship

Long-distance relationships aren't that different from regular relationships: in the beginning, everything feels exciting and new. You're falling in love and it's incredible! After a while, though, you settle into a routine and things can start feeling, well, a little stale. If you're worried the spark has gone out of your long-distance relationship, we're here to help. To rekindle the passion, try out some of the tips on our handy list!

This article is based off an interview with our professional dating coach, John Keegan, founder of The Awakened Lifestyle. Check out the full interview here.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Be open about your communication needs.

1. It’s important to find a balance that works for both of you. If you’re worried the spark is fading in your relationship, your first instinct might be to communicate more often to bridge the gap. If your partner is feeling smothered, though, upping communication could have the opposite effect.^[1] Everyone has different needs, so the best thing to do is talk about it and come up with a mutually satisfying solution.^[2] You might start this conversation by saying:
   
   • “I feel like you’ve been pulling away from me lately. Am I texting you too much during the day or making you feel smothered?”
   • “I know we live in different time zones and our schedules are really different, but it seems like we’re drifting apart. Do you think chatting or texting more often would help us feel closer?”
   • "I want to make sure I'm supporting you as much as you need without smothering you. Don't be afraid to tell me how often you'd like to talk and what communication styles you like best. Let's figure this out together!"

[Edit]Try communicating in new ways.

1. Communicating the same way all the time can get dull and predictable. You definitely want to schedule a lot of your communication so you're always on the same page, but that doesn’t mean you have to strictly follow that routine all the time. To keep things interesting, switch things up every now and then! Here are a few ideas to get you started:^[3]
   
   • Send a text with a song link and say, “This made me think of you.”^[4]
   • Send them a recorded voice memo just to say “I love you.”
   • Surprise them a care package.
   • Send a handwritten letter or funny postcard out of the blue.
   • Get their favorite meal or candy delivered to their house.^[5]

[Edit]Talk about the little things going on.

1. Sharing "boring" everyday details can help you feel more connected. Since you don’t see or talk to each other as often as you'd like, it’s easy to overthink your conversations. You might feel pressure to have deep, meaningful communication all the time, but that’s just not realistic. More importantly, sharing "boring” details helps you both feel more involved in each other’s daily lives.^[6] If you aren’t sure where to start, try asking questions like:
   
   • Where do you go on your lunch hour?
   • What podcasts have you been listening to lately?
   • Who do you walk home with every day?
   • What’s the average day like at your school?
   • What are you having for dinner tonight?
   • What have you been watching on Netflix?^[7]

[Edit]Focus on being positive and upbeat.

1. Being apart is hard, but constant negativity can strain your relationship. That doesn’t mean you have to pretend like nothing is wrong if something is truly bothering you, of course! But if it’s just a typical day, try to keep your communication upbeat. You want your partner to feel energized and excited after you chat (not drained or sullen). And while you don’t want to be frivolous all the time, there’s something to be said for lighthearted communication.^[8] If you aren’t sure how to get started:
   
   • Text your SO a picture of yourself genuinely smiling every day.
   • Make them laugh with silly GIFs, videos, and links.^[9]
   • Come up with funny or sweet pet names for each other and use them often.
   • Reframe the distance between you as a challenge that will make you stronger.

[Edit]Schedule weekly virtual date nights.

1. It’s important to really "see" each other on a regular basis. Phone calls, DMs, and texts are great, but being able to see your partner’s face on a video call helps you create and maintain a deeper connection. And just because you can’t go on regular dates doesn’t mean you can’t “do” things together! Plan a standing "date" a certain day/time every week. Aim to have a variety of dates: romantic, silly, and casual. Try ideas like:^[10]
   
   • Making the same food and eating dinner together.
   • Streaming your favorite show at the same time.
   • Online gaming (World of Warcraft, Minecraft, Fortnite, etc.)
   • Doing laundry or going grocery shopping “together.”^[11]
   • Taking a stroll “together” in the park.

[Edit]Find new ways to share experiences.

1. Get creative so you’re experiencing a range of emotions as a couple. There are tons of things you can do “together” to feel closer despite the miles between you. You can read the same book and compare notes later or challenge each other to an online game. Make a playlist together and listen to it at the same time each day.^[12] Consider other unique ideas like:
   
   • Exercise together: sign up for a virtual race or follow the same yoga tutorial.^[13]
   • Gardening: grow the same plants from seed and share images of your progress.
   • Learn something new: take the same online course and do the assignments together.
   • Joint journal: choose an online journal platform and take turns writing entries.
   • Hobby switch: try each other’s hobbies for a month.

[Edit]Swap a few physical belongings.

1. Having something tangible from your partner is a powerful thing. What items you exchange is entirely up to you! It’s nice to have a little variety, though: something sexy, something sentimental, something handwritten, etc. Here are a few ideas to get you started:^[14]
   
   • Swap articles of clothing (scarves, T-shirts, undies...your call!)
   • Exchange signature scents and spray them on your bed linens.
   • Give each other handwritten letters.
   • Send each other special Polaroid selfies.
   • Exchange your favorite books by mail.

[Edit]Carve out time for sex on a regular basis.

1. It's important to meet each other’s physical needs, too. It’s easy to hyperfocus on the emotional side of things, but sharing sexual experiences together is important to keep your relationship healthy. Sexting, masturbating together, Zoom sex, watching porn, taking a video bath “together,” sending naughty selfies, role-splaying, talking dirty...the possibilities are endless! The most important thing is to connect in a “physical” way regularly.^[15]
   
   • To keep things interesting, try to have an open mind and explore a variety of sexy adventures with your partner.
   • Talk to your partner about their needs and how often they need to connect physically to feel happy and fulfilled in your relationship.
   • Do your best to meet each other halfway when it comes to experimenting and acting out fantasies.

[Edit]Plan your visits well in advance.

1. Always having something to look forward to is priceless. Pick a regular interval of time that makes sense for both of you (a month, 3 months, 6 months, whatever) and try to avoid going any longer than that without scheduling your next visit.^[16] Really throw yourself into planning each visit so you can be excited together as the date gets closer.
   
   • Both of you can suggest ideas and switch off taking the lead on planning activities!
   • That said, be sure to allow for unplanned time together during each visit, too, so you can be spontaneous.^[17]

[Edit]References

1. ↑ [v161147_b01]. 29 June 2021.
2. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/4-tips-for-maintaining-a-healthy-long-distance-relationship/
3. ↑ https://www.npr.org/2020/08/26/906236738/long-distance-relationships-are-tough-heres-advice-for-making-them-work
4. ↑ [v161147_b01]. 29 June 2021.
5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201806/10-tips-make-long-distance-relationship-work
6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201806/10-tips-make-long-distance-relationship-work
7. ↑ [v161147_b01]. 29 June 2021.
8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201806/10-tips-make-long-distance-relationship-work
9. ↑ [v161147_b01]. 29 June 2021.
10. ↑ [v161147_b01]. 29 June 2021.
11. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/4-tips-for-maintaining-a-healthy-long-distance-relationship/
12. ↑ https://www.militaryonesource.mil/family-relationships/relationships/keeping-your-relationship-strong/long-distance-relationship-tips/
13. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/4-tips-for-maintaining-a-healthy-long-distance-relationship/
14. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201806/10-tips-make-long-distance-relationship-work
15. ↑ [v161147_b01]. 29 June 2021.
16. ↑ [v161147_b01]. 29 June 2021.
17. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201806/10-tips-make-long-distance-relationship-work