How to Not Be Boring in a Long Distance Relationship

Long-distance relationships are challenging. When you’re not seeing each other in person, it can be hard to feel a sense of connection and excitement. But if you’re concerned that your partner might get bored, don’t worry—there are things you can do to keep the spark alive! In this article, we’ll talk you through some of the best ways to keep your long-distance love life intimate and fun.

This article is based off an interview with our professional dating coach, John Keegan, founder of The Awakened Lifestyle. Check out the full interview.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Make the most of video calling.

1. Don’t rely on just emails, texting, and voice calls. Being able to see each other even when you’re far apart can make a big difference in your level of intimacy. As much as possible, use video platforms to communicate so you can see one another and feel more connected.^[1]
   
   • Make sure you and your sweetheart both have the same video calling software installed. Some popular options include Skype, FaceTime (for Apple devices), Google Duo, and Zoom.

[Edit]Have deep conversations.

1. Your time together is precious, so make it quality time. When you’re dating long distance, it’s especially important to make sure that you’re meeting each other’s emotional needs.^[2] When you chat, avoid just making vague small-talk. Instead, try to go a little deeper.^[3] For instance, go into the details of anything important or exciting that happened during your day, and talk about how it made you feel.^[4]
   
   • If you’re not sure what to talk about, ice-breaker questions can help. For example, you might ask things like, “What’s your most precious memory?” or “What’s something you’ve always dreamed of doing?”^[5]

[Edit]Connect over shared interests and passions.

1. Finding common ground is important in any relationship. When you don’t have the intimacy of regular in-person interactions, it becomes even more important! Ask lots of questions and try to get a sense of what you’re both into.^[6] Try to take a genuine interest in things they like that you’re not as familiar with, too. Look for creative ways to bond over the things you both care about.^[7]
   
   • For example, you could both read a book by a mutual favorite author and have a chat about it next time you call each other.
   • Or, try collaborating on a creative project, like a blog about a topic you both love.

[Edit]Plan some virtual dates.

1. Make it as much like an in-person date as you can.^[8] Work out a specific time and decide what you want to do in advance. For instance, you could share a candlelight dinner and wine over Zoom, watch a movie together, or go to a virtual concert.^[9]
   
   • You could also play online games together or sign up for an online class on a topic you’re both interested in.

[Edit]Share an image, video, or song.

1. If something makes you think of your SO, don’t hesitate to send it. It could be a funny video on YouTube, an inspiring quote you saw on Instagram, or a meme that made you laugh. Text them the link so they can enjoy it too and will know that they’re on your mind.^[10]
   
   • You can also share your own pictures and videos. For instance, send them a selfie or a photo you just took of a beautiful sunset. Include a heartfelt message, like, “I really wish you were here to see this with me! <3”

[Edit]Find ways to get them involved in your everyday life.

1. Including them in your daily routine can bring you closer together. When two people live together or regularly see each other in person, it’s much easier to feel like you’re actually sharing a life. Make a conscious effort to help your SO feel more present in your life by talking to them about day-to-day things, like your work, school, or social interactions.^[11] In addition to just talking, look for other ways to let them share in your experiences, such as:
   
   • Asking for their advice on work situations.
   • Asking them to help you study or review for a test.
   • Getting their feedback on personal projects you’re working on.
   • Virtually including them in get-togethers with friends or family.

[Edit]Experiment with virtual sex.

1. Get creative and have fun! Whether you’re sexting, getting steamy over the phone, or having a face-to-face encounter over video chat, sexual intimacy can play a huge role in keeping a long-distance relationship exciting. Talk to your partner about what they enjoy and how you can keep things spicy, even if you can’t get physical in person.^[12]
   
   • For instance, you might both enjoy sharing a naughty fantasy, watching porn together online, doing a little virtual roleplay, or just talking about what you’d like to do with one another next time you meet.
   • Having virtual sex over video chat can be especially exciting and fun. Just make sure to use a secure platform with an encrypted connection, such as Signal, so there’s less danger of somebody else seeing what you’re doing.^[13]

[Edit]Try to meet in person as often as possible.

1. If you can, plan regular meetups—even if it’s just once a month.^[14] While a long-distance relationship can work if you’re both willing to put in the effort, going too long without seeing each other can be really frustrating. To keep things exciting and give you both something to look forward to, do your best to get together now and then.^[15]
   
   • If you live really far apart, consider meeting halfway. For instance, if one of you lives in Pennsylvania and the other lives in California, you might meet up in Montana for a hiking adventure in the mountains.

[Edit]References

1. ↑ https://time.com/5316307/best-long-distance-relationship-tips-experts/
2. ↑ [v161147_b01]. 29 June 2021.
3. ↑ [v161025_b01]. 7 August 2019.
4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201806/10-tips-make-long-distance-relationship-work
5. ↑ https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness
6. ↑ [v161025_b01]. 7 August 2019.
7. ↑ [v161147_b01]. 29 June 2021.
8. ↑ [v161025_b01]. 7 August 2019.
9. ↑ [v161147_b01]. 29 June 2021.
10. ↑ [v161147_b01]. 29 June 2021.
11. ↑ [v161147_b01]. 29 June 2021.
12. ↑ [v161147_b01]. 29 June 2021.
13. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a32052649/video-sex-safety-tips/
14. ↑ [v161025_b01]. 7 August 2019.
15. ↑ [v161147_b01]. 29 June 2021.